Our confidence and self esteem is not a given and it can change from day to day. It is a part of our mindset. When a person doesn’t believe in themselves or believes they have lost their self-confidence, then their self-esteem is affected too. It can become difficult to manage everyday life and it can become a negative pattern. Hypnosis, NLP and CBT can really help to bring about change.
Low confidence and Self-Esteem influences the view of ourselves with regard to our performance in life, our perceptions and of how other people view us. Low self-esteem can be most easily recognised by the negative self talk resulting in negative statements and beliefs about yourself.
A person suffering from low self-confidence reinforces a negative, critical voice inside their head. This inner critic is like an internal scanner that only notices negatives about themselves. Focusing on perceived inadequacies, whilst not noticing or dismissing any positives or their successes.
Changing the perception and thinking patterns into more positive ones is a first step to resolving low self-esteem. Some people also need to address an experience in their past that may have affected their confidence, or clear some old beliefs they took on from critical parents or from a bad relationship. Low self-esteem is often quite unrelated to actual success in people’s lives Low self-confidence has far more to do with the voice in their head than with any kind of external measures of success.
Both self confidence and self esteem relate to our perception of ourselves and are often interlinked. People with low confidence or self-esteem have become conditioned to thinking of themselves in a critical way. Tuning into their critical internal voice and to tune into unhelpful thinking styles often learned over many years.
The first step is to challenge these thoughts. This does not mean thinking positively all the time; it means looking and finding an alternative view and looking at the issues with an alternative perspective. Hypnosis and therapy, can help you to recognise some typical unhelpful thinking patterns.
Learn to identify unhelpful, negative thoughts.
Unhelpful, negative thoughts are unfair and unrealistic. They are distorted because they are inaccurate reflections of how the world is or how you are.
In this kind of unhelpful, negative thinking, you only look at the bad, never the good. You filter out the positives or do not notice praise or compliments. Because all you see is the negative side, your whole life appears to be negative.
But realistic thinking equally considers positive and negative aspects of your life.
In this kind of unhelpful, negative thinking, one negative event seems like the start of a never-ending pattern. If one friend leaves, they all will. If you fail the first time, you’ll fail every time. Because someone says something negative everyone speaks negatively about you,
But realistic thinking recognizes that one disappointing situation does not determine how other situations will turn out.
Perceive everything as Black or White only. You are either fat or thin, smart or stupid, etc.
Others are either your best friend, or they hate you. There is no in-between. Gradual progress is never enough. “Who cares that I did half of it? It’s still not finished!”
But realistic thinking sees people and events as falling somewhere between the extremes, towards the middle, where most things are found.
Even small things are seen as though they were a disaster. For example, you were slightly late in completing a small project, so your entire month is ruined: you react to the imagined catastrophe (a terrible month) rather than to the little event (a late project).
But realistic thinking sees events in their true importance, not overemphasising negative events. .
Criticising yourself, calling yourself names like “idiot”, “loser”, or worse. You talk to yourself in a way you would never talk to anyone else, constantly putting yourself down.
But realistic thinking doesn’t use these kind of insults because they are not fair, you wouldn’t talk to anyone else that way, and they are unnecessarily discouraging.
You feel as though you know what others are thinking about you, and it’s always negative. So you react to what you imagine they think, without bothering to ask.
But realistic thinking recognises that guessing what others think about you is likely to be inaccurate, especially when you are depressed.
Being convinced you know what the outcome will be. You feel as though you know what the future will bring, and that it will be negative. You predict what people will think or say. Nothing will work out, so why bother trying?
But realistic thinking recognizes that you don’t know how things will turn out: by staying open to the possibility of positive results, you’ll be more hopeful and more likely to make things better.
Only accepting perfection in yourself or others? It’s only good enough if it’s perfect. And because you can’t make most things perfect, you’re rarely satisfied and can rarely take pride in anything. This leads to frustration and anger.
But realistic thinking gives credit for accomplishments, even if the result is less than perfect. Few of us reach perfection in what we do, but our achievements are meaningful
Do you put unreasonable demands and pressure on yourself and on others? Do you tend to say, “I must, I should, or You must, You should? These statements provide insight into the standards you tend to uphold and the things you expect of yourself and others.
But although sometimes helpful, at times “shoulding” and “musting” can create unrealistic expectations that you or others will struggle to live up to.